When it rains it (deluges great heaping piles of migraine floods) pours

Life can really feel like so much muchness sometimes. Looking, looking, looking for work. I pitched a few story ideas to the Editor of the Magazine that I’ve been working part-time (small fry) for (wow – five years now!). She accepted one of the pitches, which is a very bright spot right now.
Right now my grandparents are soon to move here from North Carolina. I am to assist them in finding their dream assisted living facility (oxymoron?) for my sweet grandfather has Alzheimer’s disease and my grandmother needs help to care for him.
Right now we have zero money.
Right now my younger son needs to have an MRI to check to see if he has a medical issue that my older son suffered through at exactly the same age.
Right now I’m waiting to hear from the principal at my children’s school on whether he would consider hiring me as the school’s Media Specialist (Librarian). I’d like to say that I’m not holding my breath but then you would see that I’m lying, as my face turns blue.
That job – while it would not further my writing career - would solve so many problems at once that it makes my head spin. I love books, I love kids, I love my kids’ school, I love a school schedule because it is the same schedule as my kids’, and I love that a consistent paycheck would give our family the relief we so desperately need.
Trouble is, I think that a.) There are a lot of out of work teachers out there who would be better qualified for the job b.) I would need to go back to school while working full-time to get the 30 extra credit hours I need to be certified to be the an educational Media Specialist.
All I can do is my very best and pray that it’s what God has in mind.

Dork Incorporated

Here is my head (shot).

Yes, I know why it’s called a “head shot” but you know (head smack). I just have to think about it a little bit more. Doing this did feel like shot in the head – like I am big dorky dorkington. My friend Laura (visit her on blogspot at Seahorse Studios! ) is a sweetheart and I think she has the patience of a saint. I kept sticking my tongue out and making stupid faces. The whole experience made me wonder if I’m really ready for jobs with grown-ups.

Get over yourself.

One of the saddest things about hunting for a job is realizing that there are jobs out there that I don’t even want to do, applying for them anyway, and not even getting a phone call. Ugh. Today, I sent a resume in to be a church secretary. Oh man. Talk about beggars can’t be choosers. However, the hours are right (no childcare needed), the church is about three blocks away and there is a tiny bit of publication work in the form of newsletters, bulletins, and other church publications. Now, I’m thinking, I don’t know anyone who has moved on from working at a church to a major publishing house or ad agency. I’m thinking, how awesome will it be to introduce myself to my husband’s banker cohorts as a ‘church secretary’? (As awesome as saying I’m a stay-at-home-mom. Conversational arsenic.) I’m thinking, Self, are you just applying for this position so that you don’t have to go after what you really want and are too chicken to reach out there and grab it? Then I say, SELF! Who says you can’t do both? Our financial situation has reached a precipice so frightening that pride is a luxury I cannot afford. I could do this job and still, in whatever tiny corner in my day I could find, eek out a little bit of creativity.
Any bets on whether they will even call me for an interview?

I'm Ready For My Close-Up

So. My kids come home from school and, being the overbearing mother that I am, we sit down right away and have a snack and do homework. I’ve tried the “lets run off some steam first” approach. I’ve tried the “let’s do it after dinner so daddy can help too” approach. There is no better method than immediate tackle – and yet. There are rarely days that we escape homework time without a tear shed, small fists pounding, sand poured on the heads, rent sackcloth.
Today, I feel like my kids at homework time.
I have to do what?!
I have spent three hours the past two days on a strict job search (no Facebook! No Twitter!). Guess what? I have applied for two jobs! TWO. My friend Corinne (remember her from waaaayyyy back before the summer?) had said that I needed to look into Creative Hiring Agencies (and Linkedin!). Today I signed on to Creatives on Call and Qualified Creatives. Guess what? They want a picture! (so does Linkedin!). I paged through my iphoto archives. Guess what? I took all the pictures.
Fortunately, just like everyone is a writer these days, so is everyone a photographer. I am going to give my friend Laura a call and have her take a few “I am a writer” shots so that I may knock off some socks.

Relauch This!

O.k. so.
According to “Relaunch” professionals (and my friend Jessica), I needed to get myself over to www.linkedin.com and set myself up. So I did that.
Now, back to this “Relaunch” thing. I read Back on the Career Track: A Guide for Stay-At-Home-Moms Who Want to Return to Work by Carol Fishman Cohen and Vivian Steir Rabin. (V-8 Smack: shoulda wrote a book about It! – let’s relaunch by writing a book about relaunching!). The website http://www.irelaunch.com/ attached to the book has lots of helpful hints. Loads. It’s jam-packed!
For people who used to have an awesome career they would like to rejoin.
For example: “Mary Spectacular was the Chief Executive Blah Blah at Such in Such Inc. She took two years off to stay home with her twin daughters and is now ready to relaunch her career.” Mary’s worried about how her workplace has advanced since she’s been out. (Will her two MBAs apply?) She’s in touch with former colleagues but only through Facebook so they can see how blessed adorable her twins are. She’s hemming and hawing. Should she or shouldn’t she go back?
You know, Mary, save it.
I had barely scraped out of an internship when I left the work force. I have ONE career reference from before I had my first child (it was all retail and reception before that!) and have only done minor freelance writing work during the TEN years I have been home. I got married while in college, had one job using my degree, and then I’m barefoot and pregnant! What a throwback – June Cleaver tries to get a job!
I know I’ll write a blog about it!

P.S. I wouldn’t change a single thing.

The More Things Change, the More Things Change.

Here we go again. Another summer has come and gone. Here we are again together.
This summer was, um, not the same. My nine-year-old, while, at times, was pleased as punch to hang at the beach or at home with the Wii, was for the most part: over it. He and his brother (who is six and still all in for a summer home at Camp Mommy) fought like Armageddon.
It took me until the end of the summer to realize that, uh oh, Mommy’s not happy either.
Bummer. I’ve always loved summer and have mourned its passing. I’ve seen the start of the school year as the death sentence of fun. This year I welcomed it as the return of my sanity.
A lot of this change of heart comes from the fact that so much has changed in my Mommy Friend circle. Gina bails every summer anyway because that’s when she reconnects with her college buds and their kids. Jessica sent her kids packing to Camp Grandma most of the summer because she’s really working full-time now. Julie. She had a baby this summer and, well, ya, know. It’s like she got the card in Candy Land that sends your little plastic player back to the start of the board. There are no more of that kind of card in the deck for me.
Without those girls around for distraction and support, the summer lost a little luster.
So. Here I am again at the beginning of another school year with no work and no prospects. But, I am hopeful. Big changes are about. Or maybe small ones. God has given me no choice but to fully rely on Him and rely on Him I will.

The Church Crawl

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a mother in search of summer soul enrichment for her children must be in want of an awesome Vacation Bible School.
Let me admit that I was, a bit, well, put off by the idea of “The Church Crawl” as my friend Kimmie so um, eloquently phrased it.
She sent out an all-call to the stay-at-homers out there who are looking for a summer activity (relief) that is fun, inexpensive, and not staffed by bored teenagers. Vacation Bible Schools, for the most part, fit that bill. My kids are already signed up for VBS at our church but I volunteer for it each year so…you know…nothing’s getting done that week.
SO. I am going to check out the Church Crawl roster after all. I guess I felt like it was something one just didn’t do. I am so backwards sometimes (hey, my butt looks great in these jeans!). I guess I just felt like I was taking advantage or something – using a church as babysitter. However, I realized that, like a lot of folks, I am trying to find gainful employment and that having the kids home all summer is going to prove to be an impediment to that search. In my case (and in Kimmie’s case for that matter), funds are slim and her suggestions are a thoughtful and well researched. My kids will be shepherded around a church (of our same faith) for a few hours doing crafts, playing games, and learning about how much God loves them while I get some stuff done. Where in my brain did I find something distasteful in this equation?

Lofty Goals: I want to waste your time.

I love to hate blogs. I love to read them because they can 1. Make me Laugh (Dance, Clown! Dance!) 2. Teach me New Things (and make me feel inferior and want to lie down). I also get really irritated after, like, an hour of reading blogs – because while, I just sat down to check out what Heather B. Armstrong has balanced on her dog’s head today, I proceed to be led like a lemming to fifteen other blogs and all the while I should be working on my own. Ironic, no?
The University Professor suggested that I needed to be social media savvy. I need to demonstrate that I can use Facebook and Twitter and LinkedIn to promote my writing. I, essentially need to prove that I can waste peoples time too! Way!
Not that there are not a million other things to distract me from my dire need to earn a living. My cat is in the next room singing an unholy aria that announces there will be something to clean up soon.
My office looks like a paper monster vomited.
I forgot my Grandfather’s birthday.
I wish I could get it out of my head that River’s Cuomo called blogging stupid.

Revelations, Recommendations, and Gold-Sequined Tube Tops

I have begun in earnest. I had the unwelcome, unhappy realization that I have been dickering around about this going back to work thing for the entire school year. True, I have been very, very busy. All the time. But what have I been busy with? Case in point: this Saturday night my husband and I are attending a party with a 1970s theme. Tuesday morning I spent a full three hours on the Internet and two hours out shopping for our themed outfits. Ridiculous. True, we will be awesome. Horrendously in debt, freaked out of our gourds about our financial future, but totally Hot to Trot.
It is May and the school year is coming to a close. This excites and terrifies me. The release of the tight bands of structure that the school year holds on our family usually feels like unbuttoning my pants on Thanksgiving. However, in light of my going-back-to-work project, it feels like I have unbuttoned my pants and they are falling down around my ankles.
This week I have made a bit of tiny progress. I spoke with a Professor at our local University about classes I could take to refresh my atrophied brain. He suggested taking an online class that would teach me how to “front-load” my writing. This is a tool necessary to succeed in “convergence media”. The conversation with him about sharpening my writing tools made me feel like…well… a tool.
Ah, the irony – online three credit class in writing for convergence media - $145.19 per credit hour. Did I mention Finnigan gets braces next Tuesday?
The learned Professor also instructed me to start a blog (how conveeeeenient) and demonstrate that I can amass followers – that’s where you come in.
Then I had lunch with a lovely friend of mine who works in publishing. She is dear and, though I’m sure it’s my imagination, I felt like she was listening to my woes and looking at me like I am a spoiled ding-dong. She has a one-year-old and is back at work full-time. I’m sure I sounded like Charlie Brown’s teacher as I explained my fears about returning to work after ten years of being home with my kids. She gave me a lot of helpful advice, though (she is lovely after all). Her husband is a freelance graphic designer and we discussed the possibility of him helping me: 1. Making my blog look fancy. 2. Making my resume look fancy (and like I know what I’m doing). 3. Discussing temp agencies in the area that work with creatives (I try feel all, like, Mad Men when I can).
This month I am also 1. Hosting Mother’s Day dinner for sweet Mother-in-Law and Grandmother-in-Law 2. Co-hosting Bunko 3. Co-hosting a baby shower 4. Hosting Book Club 5. Hosting guests for Memorial Day weekend.
Mostest?

Hippity Hoppity a Mental Breakdown is on it's Way

Progress? No progress. Life is constantly in the way of my career progress.
This is what I’ve been doing since November (in addition to surviving Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s Eve, Valentine’s Day, and St. Patrick’s Day): the stuff I always do. Taking care of the kids- running them to school, volunteering at their school, helping them with homework, reading with them, taking them to baseball practices and games and doctors appointments, to places to play with friends - shopping, cooking, cleaning (think twice about how much house you are willing to clean before you upgrade!), laundry, trying to exercise and in between all this I am writing a tiny bit, submitting stories and getting rejected, submitting resumes and clips and getting rejected and questioning my writing skills.
According to my job search, I need to learn how to do SEO copywriting – there is such a huge demand for it in the job market. The requirement lurks in nearly every job post. I cried a little when I realized that I needed to look up what SEO means. Also: creating Meta tags, social media strategies, HTML / CSS, keyword research – aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!
This is why women keep at least one toe in the working professional pool after having kids. I am proof positive that it’s a necessity.
So. My new challenge is to find a place to learn. I can research and take online classes but what employers want experience. I can put on a white coat and stethoscope and read “How To Perform Open Heart Surgery For Dummies” but no one in their right mind is going to hire me as their surgeon.
Oh yes, and it’s just two short months before school lets out for summer vacation for three months!