The Church Crawl

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a mother in search of summer soul enrichment for her children must be in want of an awesome Vacation Bible School.
Let me admit that I was, a bit, well, put off by the idea of “The Church Crawl” as my friend Kimmie so um, eloquently phrased it.
She sent out an all-call to the stay-at-homers out there who are looking for a summer activity (relief) that is fun, inexpensive, and not staffed by bored teenagers. Vacation Bible Schools, for the most part, fit that bill. My kids are already signed up for VBS at our church but I volunteer for it each year so…you know…nothing’s getting done that week.
SO. I am going to check out the Church Crawl roster after all. I guess I felt like it was something one just didn’t do. I am so backwards sometimes (hey, my butt looks great in these jeans!). I guess I just felt like I was taking advantage or something – using a church as babysitter. However, I realized that, like a lot of folks, I am trying to find gainful employment and that having the kids home all summer is going to prove to be an impediment to that search. In my case (and in Kimmie’s case for that matter), funds are slim and her suggestions are a thoughtful and well researched. My kids will be shepherded around a church (of our same faith) for a few hours doing crafts, playing games, and learning about how much God loves them while I get some stuff done. Where in my brain did I find something distasteful in this equation?

Lofty Goals: I want to waste your time.

I love to hate blogs. I love to read them because they can 1. Make me Laugh (Dance, Clown! Dance!) 2. Teach me New Things (and make me feel inferior and want to lie down). I also get really irritated after, like, an hour of reading blogs – because while, I just sat down to check out what Heather B. Armstrong has balanced on her dog’s head today, I proceed to be led like a lemming to fifteen other blogs and all the while I should be working on my own. Ironic, no?
The University Professor suggested that I needed to be social media savvy. I need to demonstrate that I can use Facebook and Twitter and LinkedIn to promote my writing. I, essentially need to prove that I can waste peoples time too! Way!
Not that there are not a million other things to distract me from my dire need to earn a living. My cat is in the next room singing an unholy aria that announces there will be something to clean up soon.
My office looks like a paper monster vomited.
I forgot my Grandfather’s birthday.
I wish I could get it out of my head that River’s Cuomo called blogging stupid.

Revelations, Recommendations, and Gold-Sequined Tube Tops

I have begun in earnest. I had the unwelcome, unhappy realization that I have been dickering around about this going back to work thing for the entire school year. True, I have been very, very busy. All the time. But what have I been busy with? Case in point: this Saturday night my husband and I are attending a party with a 1970s theme. Tuesday morning I spent a full three hours on the Internet and two hours out shopping for our themed outfits. Ridiculous. True, we will be awesome. Horrendously in debt, freaked out of our gourds about our financial future, but totally Hot to Trot.
It is May and the school year is coming to a close. This excites and terrifies me. The release of the tight bands of structure that the school year holds on our family usually feels like unbuttoning my pants on Thanksgiving. However, in light of my going-back-to-work project, it feels like I have unbuttoned my pants and they are falling down around my ankles.
This week I have made a bit of tiny progress. I spoke with a Professor at our local University about classes I could take to refresh my atrophied brain. He suggested taking an online class that would teach me how to “front-load” my writing. This is a tool necessary to succeed in “convergence media”. The conversation with him about sharpening my writing tools made me feel like…well… a tool.
Ah, the irony – online three credit class in writing for convergence media - $145.19 per credit hour. Did I mention Finnigan gets braces next Tuesday?
The learned Professor also instructed me to start a blog (how conveeeeenient) and demonstrate that I can amass followers – that’s where you come in.
Then I had lunch with a lovely friend of mine who works in publishing. She is dear and, though I’m sure it’s my imagination, I felt like she was listening to my woes and looking at me like I am a spoiled ding-dong. She has a one-year-old and is back at work full-time. I’m sure I sounded like Charlie Brown’s teacher as I explained my fears about returning to work after ten years of being home with my kids. She gave me a lot of helpful advice, though (she is lovely after all). Her husband is a freelance graphic designer and we discussed the possibility of him helping me: 1. Making my blog look fancy. 2. Making my resume look fancy (and like I know what I’m doing). 3. Discussing temp agencies in the area that work with creatives (I try feel all, like, Mad Men when I can).
This month I am also 1. Hosting Mother’s Day dinner for sweet Mother-in-Law and Grandmother-in-Law 2. Co-hosting Bunko 3. Co-hosting a baby shower 4. Hosting Book Club 5. Hosting guests for Memorial Day weekend.
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